Posts Tagged ‘Communication’

The Frantic Family

Wednesday, April 28th, 2010

The family is the most important institution and organization in the world today.  As the health of our families have declined, so has our society.  Today most families are chaotic, scattered, disorganized, frantic, confused and stressful.  Does this sound familiar to you?  Be honest.  I know it does to me.  The result of this is a structureless, directionless, and dare I say unhappy family.  A family where no one really knows one another intimately because we never have or take the time to communicate about dreams, goals, priorities, victories, failures, challenges, or feelings.

Families are very important.  Families are important to our society and world.  And, families are very important to God; he created them with a purpose, to provide for many of the personal, physical, and spiritual needs we all have.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”  (Genesis 2:24)

So, what can we all do to do create a healthy family?  Put simply, stop the insanity.  Literally stop, come together and talk to one another.  Talk to one another about who we are as family, what makes us unique and special, what is important to us as a family, what we can do together, how we can live our family life to the fullest, etc.

I beleive that, if we would all be very intentional and purposeful in doing this we would have a chance to create a happy, healthy, full family life.  And let’s face it, a happy family life can lead to a happy work life!

I was recently introduce to a great book that I believe can help us all accomplish this.  The Three Big Questions for a Frantic Family, by Patrick Lencioni, is written as a fable, using realistic and humorous characters and plot lines that will keep you turning pages with anticipation while you’re learning how to bring sanity to your family life. And you’ll be amazed how just a little bit of structure and a few minutes of follow-through each week can make the difference between stressful chaos and fulfillment at home.  I encourage you to read it with your spouse and talk about how the ideas Lencioni introduces might help you be happy in life and at work.

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Happy Life and Career; plan the work and work the plan

Saturday, October 31st, 2009

You may have heard the saying “plan the work and work the plan”.  It is a great reminder that, in order to experience success, it helps to have a vision and a plan for what you hope to accomplish, to remian focused and committed to your plan, and to be purposeful and intentional in working toward accomplishing the plan.

This adage is most commonly applied in business, but I believe we shoud all consider applying it within our families.  Our families need a vision, a mssion, and a plan.  A good place to start is to establish your family values, a set of guiding principles that help steer eveyone as they makes decsions about what you do, what you say, who you select as friends, and how you spend your money and time.  Below are some examples of family values that I have collected from freinds that will give you some ideas and help get you jump started.  You can develop your own (as a family); make it fun, let eveyone participate and contribute, and make sure you have consensus before finalizing.  Post them on the refrigerator, on the family bulletin board, and on bathroom mirrors so they are consistently top-of-mind with everyone, and use them when making decisions, and to mentor, coach and discipline your kids.  Good luck and remember to walk in love!

Family Values:

  1. We will love honor and obey God in all that we think, speak, and do
  2. We will, in humility, love, respect, and serve each other and those around us
  3. We first listen, then think, then speak
  4. We try our best in everything we do
  5. We look for the good in every situation and maintain an attitude of thankfulness
  6. We will forgive and make every effort to live at peace with everyone
  7. We take every opportunity to share God’s love and the hope we have in Jesus
  8. We make memories together
  9. We keep our family time as a high priority
  10. We nurture a generous heart by living simply and sharing with those in need
  11. We invest ourselves in building God’e kingdom

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Happiness in Relationships and Resolving Conflict

Thursday, June 4th, 2009

“Indeed, God has put the body together in such a way that he gives greater dignity to the parts that lack it, so that there will be no disagreements within the body, but rather all the parts will be equally concerned for all the others” (1 Cor 12:24-26).

Have you ever felt like you are trying to fit thousands of pegs into the relationship hole with your spouse, fiance, child, special friend or business associate? But, what you find is that not one of the pegs you are attempting to fit into the hole satisfies that person with the words they are looking for you to say. I know I have, and boy is it frustrating!

When this happens you can reach an impasse in that relationship for days–yes, days! No matter what you said or how you say it, things just don’t set any better. The other person is viewing the situation through their grid; You are viewing it through yours. It is like trying to fit a round peg into a square hole that simply won’t work no matter how hard or how many times you try.

Then, almost in desperation, you utter these words: “I’m sorry I could not see your perspective and implied that you had a hurtful motive behind your actions. I know you’ve never done that in the past.” Bingo! Something happens! This peg actually fits! The other person jumps up, smiles and rushes over to hug you, kiss you, put there arm around you, shake your hand, or in some way let you know that you did it; you found the peg that fit. The relationship takes a 180° turn in a matter of seconds! “How did that happen!?” You pondered what just took place, feeling totally perplexed, but relieved over the fact a resolution came forth.

If your like me, you realize later you were viewing the situation through and entirely different grid or set of filters than the other person. For instance, if your a guy, you likely are viewing the situation through your left brain only, where logic and reasoning is processed, as most of us men tend to do. And, if the other person is a woman, she likely desired an emotional heart connection with you. She wanted you to identify and attempt to view the situation through her lense and an emotional grid. Once you were able to do this her heart was reopened to you and to your relationship.

Men and women often view situations from two differing vantage points. Men view things from facts. Women view them from its impact on their heart and the relationship. Next time you find yourself at an impasse with your spouse, consider these factors.

If you want to learn more about discovering how to select the right peg in your relationships, I recommend “Love & Respect”. Written primarily for married couples, but with application for all men and women who interact in the workplace, this is a profound book with a simple message about the most driving needs men and women have. Learn what they are and how to deal with gender conflict quickly and successfully.

451876: Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs
By Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

In this groundbreaking book, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs introduces the revolutionary message of biblical respect from Ephesians 5:33 that has revived and energized marriages across the country. A Focus on the Family recommendation. Hardcover.

Another great resource for creating a healthy, happy and productive environment within any team is “The Five Dysfunctions of a Team”.

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