Happy Life and Work

“Indeed, God has put the body together in such a way that he gives greater dignity to the parts that lack it, so that there will be no disagreements within the body, but rather all the parts will be equally concerned for all the others” (1 Cor 12:24-26).

Have you ever felt like you are trying to fit thousands of pegs into the relationship hole with your spouse, fiance, child, special friend or business associate? But, what you find is that not one of the pegs you are attempting to fit into the hole satisfies that person with the words they are looking for you to say. I know I have, and boy is it frustrating!

When this happens you can reach an impasse in that relationship for days–yes, days! No matter what you said or how you say it, things just don’t set any better. The other person is viewing the situation through their grid; You are viewing it through yours. It is like trying to fit a round peg into a square hole that simply won’t work no matter how hard or how many times you try.

Then, almost in desperation, you utter these words: “I’m sorry I could not see your perspective and implied that you had a hurtful motive behind your actions. I know you’ve never done that in the past.” Bingo! Something happens! This peg actually fits! The other person jumps up, smiles and rushes over to hug you, kiss you, put there arm around you, shake your hand, or in some way let you know that you did it; you found the peg that fit. The relationship takes a 180° turn in a matter of seconds! “How did that happen!?” You pondered what just took place, feeling totally perplexed, but relieved over the fact a resolution came forth.

If your like me, you realize later you were viewing the situation through and entirely different grid or set of filters than the other person. For instance, if your a guy, you likely are viewing the situation through your left brain only, where logic and reasoning is processed, as most of us men tend to do. And, if the other person is a woman, she likely desired an emotional heart connection with you. She wanted you to identify and attempt to view the situation through her lense and an emotional grid. Once you were able to do this her heart was reopened to you and to your relationship.

Men and women often view situations from two differing vantage points. Men view things from facts. Women view them from its impact on their heart and the relationship. Next time you find yourself at an impasse with your spouse, consider these factors.

If you want to learn more about discovering how to select the right peg in your relationships, I recommend “Love & Respect”. Written primarily for married couples, but with application for all men and women who interact in the workplace, this is a profound book with a simple message about the most driving needs men and women have. Learn what they are and how to deal with gender conflict quickly and successfully.

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs By Dr. Emerson Eggerichs In this groundbreaking book, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs introduces the revolutionary message of biblical respect from Ephesians 5:33 that has revived and energized marriages across the country. A Focus on the Family recommendation. Hardcover.

Another great resource for creating a healthy, happy and productive environment within any team is “The Five Dysfunctions of a Team”.