Posts Tagged ‘Resolving Conflict’

You Can Be a Hope Ambassador!

Tuesday, January 31st, 2012

Having hope and offering hope to others  is perhaps the single most important key to experiencing true happiness.  I recently found a terrific description of hope written by James Goll of the Encounters Network, and published by the The Converging Zone Network.  I know you will be encouraged, as I was by Mr. Goll’s message of hope…it’s foundations, it’s benefits, and understanding how to obtain it !

Hope Ambassadors…

Theme verse: I Corinthians 13:13a (NASB): ”But now faith, hope, love, abide these three…”

In a time of great uncertainty, it is a necessity that we be people of hope. In recent years, we have had a good deal of teaching on faith and some on love, but the missing commodity in the Church is an understanding of HOPE.

It behooves us to look to the Lord in these days and call forth solutions to life’s problems. We must focus our gaze, not on the revival of evil, but we must set our gaze up higher and be a prophetic people with answers for today’s dilemmas. It is time to be Hope Ambassadors.

In my own life, I tend to be a parabolic prophetic person. As most of you know, I have gone through a severe “Job-like season” in the last decade of my life and ministry. I have been grappling with difficult things and complex questions. This has forced me to go back to the foundational bedrock of my faith. I declare that God is good all the time and that all things work together for good. Because these two foundational truths are laid firm in my life, I believe that the greatest level of purpose and impact is yet to come.

As I have found it necessary in my own life, so I believe it is necessary in many lives. It is time for teaching on good mental health in the Body of Christ! Yes, the world and the Church are both waiting for Ambassadors of Hope!

Definition of Terms:

Webster’s Dictionary states that “hope” means to cherish a desire with expectation of fulfillment.

Vine’s Expository Dictionary of Greek Words states that “hope” is a favorable and confident expectation, the happy anticipation of good.

Scriptural Foundations of Hope:

Ephesians 6:17 states as a vital part of the full armor of God, we are to put on the helmet of salvation.

I Thessalonians 5:8 gives us a commentary on this verse and tells us this is the helmet of the “hope of salvation.”

The Roman helmet that Paul the apostle makes reference to covered the ears and even the front of the forehead (or the mind). We are to filter what we hear through a positive expectation of good and thus be able to think on whatsoever things are true, honorable, right, pure, of a good report and worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8). As a man thinks so is he (Proverbs 23:7). Therefore, it is imperative that we put on our HELMET OF HOPE.

Two Pictures of Hope:

Hebrews 6:17-20 (NASB) In the same way God, desiring even more to show to the heirs of the promise the unchangeableness of His purpose, interposed with an oath, so that by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have taken refuge would have strong encouragement to take hold of the hope set before usThis hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfastand one which enters within the veil, where Jesus has entered as a forerunner for us, having become a high priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek.

Hope therefore is:

1. A place of refuge for mankind likened unto the Old Testament cities of refuge where people could flee and take hold of the “horns of the altar.”

2. An anchor of the soul – the mind, the will and the emotions.

A ship passes its anchor through the unstable element of water to the stable element of the Rock below. The world in which we live is like the water – unstable, impermanent, insecure, ever-changing and tossed around in its form. But hope in Christ Jesus is an anchor that passes out of eternity into time and fastens us to our foundation of bedrock below – to the Rock of Ages.

Hope is a Person!

Colossians 1:27 (NASB) …to whom God willed to make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.

Titus 2:13 (NASB) …looking for the blessed hope and the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Christ Jesus.

The Benefits of Hope:

Romans 8:24-25 (NASB) For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.

We are saved by hope. We do not quit. We persevere because we are convinced by a greater reality than our temporary surroundings!

Romans 15:13 (NASB) Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in the hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Through faith, the power of the Holy Spirit enables us to abound in the amazing power of hope.

Colossians 1:27 says when you have “Christ in you” you have the hope of glory – a sure expectation of unending ages of glory in the presence of God.

Ephesians 2:12 (NASB) …remember that you were at that time separate from Christ, excluded from the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world.

The condition of the lost: without God, without Christ, and without hope.

Ephesians 1:17-19 says we can be filled with the hope of His calling in Christ Jesus. You are a person of destiny. Be filled with the positive expectation of good in your life. Something good is just about to happen!

Ways to Obtain Hope:

Romans 15:4 (NASB) For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

Yes, through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we have great hope! Learn from our forefathers in the faith, and let hope arise!

Lamentations 3:21-24 (NASB) This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I have hope in Him.”

Right now, recall the history of the Lord in your life. Declare the testimony of His goodness over your own life and that of your family. Recall. Remember. Declare the truth that He has never left you or forsaken you. Great is His faithfulness!

Know Who The Enemy Is

Tuesday, September 21st, 2010

(The following was inspired and taken from a message Craig Parker, my wonderful pastor at Bridgeway Community Church in Fishers, IN. delivered on 9-19-10.)

If you are married, or have been in a relationship, you know that there are times when it seems that the very person you love dearly, and who you believe dearly loves you, seems like your biggest and worst enemy. But is that really the truth, or are we being deceived into thinking that by a very powerful, scheming enemy who would like nothing more than to take us out and prevent us from enjoying a loving and intimate relationship.

When we marry we enter, mostly unknowingly, into the minefields; the minefields include the relational minefield, the financial minefield, the emotional minefield, the medical minefield, the vocational minefield, the parental minefield, and the the spiritual minefield. These are areas of life where issues, challenges, and differences can crop up and derail any relationship.

What happens is simple yet can be very destructive. The issue arises and statements, thoughts, and opinions are expressed and shared. The words we use are often based on feelings not facts, we assume the worst in the other person instead of the best, and before we know it we are fighting one another instead of the real enemy. Why…because the enemy whispers in our ear lies, and we begin to think things like he/she always does this and he/she will never change. Then we begin to reason, as though we are God, that we know why the other person does what they do. The next thing you know you and the someone you love are in a knock-down-drag-out fight and don’t even know why. And worse, you don’t know how to stop and fix it. Allow this to happen enough, and the relationship is in real serious trouble.

So who is the real enemy? And, just as important, who is our real friend and advocate?

The Bible is clear on both of these points. Satan is described as the enemy or the thief, while Jesus is described as our shepherd and our saviour. And on this topic John 10:10 provides us a very clear exhortation:

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

So how are we to respond so that we can save our marriages and the other relationships we have with those we love and care about.

First, understand that this is serious business and that the enemy is very powerful and cunning; you are up against a serious threat! His purpose is to destroy your marriage and relationships, send you into an emotional downward spiral, and steal any hope you have for peace and joy in your life.

Second, know, believe, and hold on to the fact that your spouse or other person is not the enemy. The enemy wants us to fight one another, not him. He knows that if we stand together, don’t buy into his lies, and ally against him with the weapons God provides us, he will be defeated.

Lastly, apply the wepons God has provided and instructs us to us in this “spiritual battle” against the enemy. In Ephesians 6:10-18, God calls us to:

“be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.”

So, the next time you find yourself in a battle with your spouse or someone you love and care for, stop and remember you can’t fight your way out of a spiritual battle…you must pray your way out…together. As we say amen at the end of our prayer(s), we are saying “we agree”! That is very powerful, and scares the enemy, as he knows he is powerless against those who stand together in the name of the Lord!

“Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.” (Matthew 18:19-20)

If my words of encouragement didn’t impact you, perhaps this musical video will help you and those you love go dancing in the minefields. My hope is that you will put on the full armor of God and battle the enemy together, because I know it will help you be happy in life and at work. God’s Peace…

Be Happy Through Patience and Trusting In Your Heavenly Father

Saturday, February 6th, 2010

Have you ever suddenly been faced with a real tough situation that you didn’t see coming; a situation that causes all of your emotions to surface and causes you to become confused, frustrated, and angry. I don’t know about you, but my immediate urge is to engage, take action, do something to fix the problem, and take care of things on my own, in my own way, and in my own timing.

My results are probably similar to yours; we dscover we are not qualified to handle the issue on our own; we over react, make mistakes, things get worse and we get even more frustrated because the issue does not improve or get resolved in our timing, if at all.

So, what should we do; how should we respond when our life spirals out of control? I think we can learn some helpful lessons from the following scriptures.

And one of those who stood by drew his sword and struck the servant of the high priest, and cut off his ear…(Mark 14:47)

Then Simon Peter, having a sword, drew it and struck the high priest’s servant, and cut off his right ear. The servant’s name was Malchus. So Jesus said to Peter, “Put your sword into the sheath. Shall I not drink the cup which My Father has given Me?”…(John 18:10-11)

Just before the events described, Judas has betrayed Jesus, and as the authorities are attempting to arrest Jesus, Peter decides to take matters into his own hands. Peter’s timing is so amazing; his tact is one to match. I mean, think of it. Of all the places to cut someone with a sword, he chooses an ear? How about the leg, or the arm, or the stomach….okay, you get the point. Peter doesn’t even know how to fight, yet he is right there passionatley picking up the sword, trying to do battle. Well, look what happens next; Jesus is right there to pick up the pieces and clean up the mess–literally. “But Jesus answered, “No more of this!” And he touched the man’s ear and healed him.”…(Luke 22:51)

Isn’t it true that so often we are like Peter in many ways. Our timing is off because we allow our feelings and emotions to control us and we reactively take matters into our own hands. But God’s ways and timing are always right because He’s always sovereign. So, we need to learn to be patient and go with His flow. Trust and rely in God’s perfect timing in all circumstances, even when things don’t look or seem right to us. We don’t like to “be still” and wait on him; we want things to happen right away. Waiting is not typically in our vocabulary. God always goes before us to make a way that is good and best. He is faithful, and he wants us to be fauthful.

And at times, we are too eager to pick up the sword and start swinging. Not only are we not capable of such matters, we really have no business taking the offensive. 2 Chronicles 20:15 says that the battle belongs to the Lord. Paul commands us to pick up the sword of the Spirit (Ephesians 6:17), but that’s not a weapon against people; it’s the Word of God that penetrates our very souls. We are to pick up God’s Word, read it, apply it, and share it with others. Instead of relying on your own strength and your own timing, trust in our Lord’s timing and in His supernatural ability to come to your aid.

And the beauty is this: He’s there to pick up the pieces in your life. Maybe you have a few pieces lying around that need to be healed. Maybe it’s a marriage or a relationship or a career. Maybe it’s some anger, bitterness, or pride that has entered into your heart. Whatever that may be, let Jesus Christ heal it. Let Him pick up the pieces of your life. Don’t take matters into your own hands. Trust and fully rely on the One who promises to make all things new.

When you do this you will be Happy in Life and at Work.

Happy Life and Career; plan the work and work the plan

Saturday, October 31st, 2009

You may have heard the saying “plan the work and work the plan”.  It is a great reminder that, in order to experience success, it helps to have a vision and a plan for what you hope to accomplish, to remian focused and committed to your plan, and to be purposeful and intentional in working toward accomplishing the plan.

This adage is most commonly applied in business, but I believe we shoud all consider applying it within our families.  Our families need a vision, a mssion, and a plan.  A good place to start is to establish your family values, a set of guiding principles that help steer eveyone as they makes decsions about what you do, what you say, who you select as friends, and how you spend your money and time.  Below are some examples of family values that I have collected from freinds that will give you some ideas and help get you jump started.  You can develop your own (as a family); make it fun, let eveyone participate and contribute, and make sure you have consensus before finalizing.  Post them on the refrigerator, on the family bulletin board, and on bathroom mirrors so they are consistently top-of-mind with everyone, and use them when making decisions, and to mentor, coach and discipline your kids.  Good luck and remember to walk in love!

Family Values:

  1. We will love honor and obey God in all that we think, speak, and do
  2. We will, in humility, love, respect, and serve each other and those around us
  3. We first listen, then think, then speak
  4. We try our best in everything we do
  5. We look for the good in every situation and maintain an attitude of thankfulness
  6. We will forgive and make every effort to live at peace with everyone
  7. We take every opportunity to share God’s love and the hope we have in Jesus
  8. We make memories together
  9. We keep our family time as a high priority
  10. We nurture a generous heart by living simply and sharing with those in need
  11. We invest ourselves in building God’e kingdom

Unchanging Truth

Wednesday, July 15th, 2009

“Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth . . . .” Ephesians 6:14a

The economic meltdown that began almost a year ago begs a central question: What is the truth about our situation? The new president and his advisers have worked for months to find the answer to that question. And they continue to think more money is the answer. How bad is the damage? What will it take to make things right? It seems new versions of “the truth” about our situation emerge daily.

Granted, the economics of an entire nation are murky at best. But what if you were tasked with the job of defining truth about every person, every situation, every fact, and every possibility? When we look at our world, it is obvious that there are many versions of “truth” at work—creating the resulting discord and chaos. Oprah promotes a new gospel using the same words like repentance and Christian as an example, but defines it radically different than Scripture. She is very dangerous. As Steve Camp sang in his song “Where have you gone to my America” he sang..”And the talk show host is the Holy Ghost.”

Jesus Christ, in a prayer to the Father, said what truth is in just a few words: “Your word is truth” (John 17:17). God’s words, found in God’s Word (living and written), are the standard of truth concerning whatever they touch. The Bible may not address everything in all of history, but whatever it says about whatever it addresses is true.

To navigate the uncertain parts of life, you need an unchanging source of truth: God and His Word. When questions arise, make sure you answer them with the answers God has provided.

“Though all truth is not in the Bible, everything in the Bible is true.” Unknown

God’s peace!

Dealing with Teen Anger

Wednesday, June 10th, 2009

I discovered this article recently on onenewsnow.com. It was written by Mark Gregston, a guest columnist. Mark Gregston is an author, speaker, national radio host, and the founder of Heartlight, a residential counseling opportunity for struggling adolescents, which is located in East Texas.

I have two teenagers, so I know how emotional and sometimes frustrated and angry they can become. I thought the thoughts practical council that Mr. Gregston offers would be very helpful to many.

Anger in your teenager can take on many faces. It can be a seething anger kept quietly below the surface, or a tidal wave unleashed on everyone around them. Anger can manifest itself in a covert refusal to comply with your household rules or wishes, or outright acts that can ruin their relationships, undermine their own future or bring harm to themselves. And if left unchecked, it can lead to violence and trouble with the law.

Anger in teenagers usually comes from some unmet need or heart-longing. Such “wants” can be immature and selfish; like wanting more material things. Or the more complicated want for control and independence. But these can also be a smokescreen for deeper wants, like the want for love, acceptance, or even the want for more clearly defined rules to live by. Or, it can be a want for life to be the way it was before a major event took place, like the breakup of the family, the loss of innocence, or a betrayal. Anger can also come from the want to not be ridiculed or bullied, or the want to be “normal” as defined by today’s teen culture.

A wise parent will discern the difference between temporary and immature fits of anger and the kind of anger that bubbles up from somewhere deeper in a teenager’s heart. They’ll help their teen find the source of their anger and fill that need in a more healthy way. And they’ll express a desire to help their teen meet those deeper wants. If they simply cannot be met, or wouldn’t be the best thing for the child right now, then a parent can at least express empathy and explain ways for the teen to better handle their anger.

Lessons of grace-

Parents are responsible to create an environment where solutions to inappropriate anger can be found, even in the face of their own feelings of anger in return. Matching a teen’s anger, tit for tat, resolves nothing and sometimes a timeout needs to be called by the parent if things get too heated. If no progress is made on your own, you may want to include a counselor or a concerned youth minister in the discussion, who can walk this path with your child and ask the tough questions.

It reminds me of a teen I recently worked with. He was angry all the time. He spewed anger on everyone and everything around him. In one of his fits he took a baseball bat to the side of my van. At that moment, I was pretty angry myself. I could have had him arrested, but I could see something in his eyes that said a different approach was needed. So I sat him down and simply told him that he was forgiven. I talked about how he needed to work out his anger differently from now on. He would still be held responsible for his actions and would have to work off the costly repairs, but he wouldn’t be arrested — this time. As I talked, tears came to his eyes. He had never experienced that kind of calm forgiveness in the face of his anger, and he couldn’t believe I didn’t have the police waiting to take him to jail. Giving him grace, at just the right moment, went a long way to change the direction he was headed.

Anger that won’t release-
Maybe your teenager’s anger is the type that won’t let up, no matter what you say or do. He wakes up angry, goes to bed angry, and lets everyone know he is angry. If so, I would strongly encourage you to get him into anger counseling. Angry teens release their anger somewhere and cause serious issues for your teen’s future. So get them help in managing it if they are consumed or overwhelmed.

If you have a child who is so out of control that he becomes physical or abusive, then you need outside help, and do it now. If you feel threatened, or your teen is destroying things in your home, I wouldn’t hesitate to get that help from your local police, even if you are embarrassed by having them pull up to your home. Their involvement will protect you and others in your family, and bring a level of seriousness to your discussion. In fact, I’d request the police to send ten cars with lights and sirens blasting as they roar to your home, giving your teen an adequate response to his seriously out-of-control behavior.

Keep this in mind. If your son or daughter spends one night in juvenile detention as a result, and learns a good lesson from it, it is far better than spending a lifetime in prison. One night locked up is better than being locked out of your home in the future because you fear he or she may bring harm to you, your possessions, or your family. The message has got to be, “Don’t get physical. Period!”

Is it wrong for a teen to disagree?
It’s okay to have disagreements with your teen as he matures. Did you think there would never be conflict in your discussions or that your teen’s growing independence wouldn’t cause him to question your values? Could your teen actually think a bit differently about things than you do? You bet he does.

Since it is inevitable that you will argue about some issues, why not use those times as an opportunity to honor your teen’s independent thinking and also allow them time to process your side of the argument. They’ll never listen to your side unless you honor their need to explain their side.

My point is this: Don’t allow conflicts to create a roadblock to future growth in your relationship. It’s okay to feel anger in discussions at times. But scripture reminds us to “Be angry, but do not sin.” So, never allow an argument to get physical, disrespectful, or demeaning (from either of you!). Know when to take a break, and when to stop until emotions can calm down and the discussion can continue on more respectful terms.

My goal for every argument with a teen is this: At the end of the argument, I want there to be an opportunity for us to hug one another, even if I didn’t change my mind at all. That’s the goal. Even if we can’t agree, I still remain in charge, and we can at least agree to disagree because it was all talked out.

The stance that you take in the heat of the battle is a reflection of who you are in real life. How you communicate during conflict teaches something very important to your teen. The messages that you will want to convey include:

• It’s okay to not agree with everyone.
• It’s okay to not follow what everyone else is thinking.
• There are times that we have to stand up and fight.
• We can have conflict, and still remain friends.
• And sometimes…I’ve heard your side of the argument, but for your own good, you simply need to follow the rules.

When anger begets anger-
Does your teen’s anger issue make you angry, too? When your teen is angry all the time, it is natural to assume it is a direct reflection on your parenting, so it becomes personal. Or, it could be that you feel disrespected and that makes you angry. If you feel anger building up, take a timeout. You may need to get some help yourself, before attempting to deal with your teen’s anger.

You may also feel angry with God for what you see as something He controls, or at the very least should have protected you from. It’s not God’s fault, but it is a human response to blame Him. I tell parents that it is okay to get angry with God. He is a big God, a mighty God. He can take it. But it is not okay to sit in the squalor of that anger and let if fester into bitterness. And it is not okay to take your anger and frustration out on your spouse, your dog, your other children, or anyone else.

If you are trying to teach your teen how to deal with anger, lead the way with your own actions. Demonstrate calmness in your own times of frustration and as long as the discussion remains respectful, be sure to hear them out, even if you don’t agree.

Let me repeat this, because it is important. Never allow your teen’s anger to get physical. They need to know there is a line they must never cross, including taking out their anger on you, your pets, your possessions, or your home. Demonstrate respect to them, and make sure they know there will be consequences to pay for being disrespectful to you. And always be ready to offer more appropriate and respectful ways for them to deal with their anger, so they know better the next time. Finally, when they do take steps to deal with their anger in more healthy ways, be sure to thank them and congratulate them for acting more mature.

I hope Mr. Gregston’s article was helpful. I offer a couple of resources for you to consider, one for your teen and one for you…

737590: Getting a Grip: The Heart of Anger Handbook for Teens Getting a Grip: The Heart of Anger Handbook for Teens
By Lou Priolo / Calvary Press

As a teenager, do you have a lot of pent-up anger? Well, if you do, we DO have a problem with that because it is not biblical to be walking around with a load of anger toward your parents, yourself–and everyone else! But, don’t get angry–read this book!

This is a book designed for teenagers. But Mom and Dad don’t worry: We want you to read it, too! Author and counselor Lou Priolo, who wrote The Heart of Anger that tackled the tough problem of anger in young children, now takes his years of experience and considerable skills in defusing anger in teenagers. It’s the break-through book you’ve been looking for. You’ll find helpful topics like:

  • Learning how to communicate properly
  • How to maintain “your cool” when provoked
  • How to manage your manipulating tendencies
  • Using the “appeal process”
  • How to handle rejection and hurt
  • Undoing disrespect

Also, you’ll learn how to journal your anger experiences to better understand why and how you get angry, and what you actually say when you are angry! Sure to be a classic, this book will put your life back on a God-glorifying track!

751125: Teens vs. Parents--DVD Kit Teens vs. Parents–DVD Kit
By Bluefish TV

Remember the Cleavers? The Huxtables? In real life, maintaining a “perfect family” image leads to disappointment, frustration, and anger. Mark Matlock’s 4-session study provides practical and biblical teaching that helps teenagers understand, communicate with, and forgive their parents; live up to expectations; repair and build healthy relationships; and more. Features interviews with teens. Includes two DVDs, leader’s guide, and printable handouts.

Sessions:

  • Session1: The Myth of a Perfect Family (9 minutes)
  • Session 2: Living Up to Expectations (11 minutes)
  • Session 3: Authority & Rebellion (10 minutes)
  • Session 4: Friend or Foe (12 minutes)

Happiness in Relationships and Resolving Conflict

Thursday, June 4th, 2009

“Indeed, God has put the body together in such a way that he gives greater dignity to the parts that lack it, so that there will be no disagreements within the body, but rather all the parts will be equally concerned for all the others” (1 Cor 12:24-26).

Have you ever felt like you are trying to fit thousands of pegs into the relationship hole with your spouse, fiance, child, special friend or business associate? But, what you find is that not one of the pegs you are attempting to fit into the hole satisfies that person with the words they are looking for you to say. I know I have, and boy is it frustrating!

When this happens you can reach an impasse in that relationship for days–yes, days! No matter what you said or how you say it, things just don’t set any better. The other person is viewing the situation through their grid; You are viewing it through yours. It is like trying to fit a round peg into a square hole that simply won’t work no matter how hard or how many times you try.

Then, almost in desperation, you utter these words: “I’m sorry I could not see your perspective and implied that you had a hurtful motive behind your actions. I know you’ve never done that in the past.” Bingo! Something happens! This peg actually fits! The other person jumps up, smiles and rushes over to hug you, kiss you, put there arm around you, shake your hand, or in some way let you know that you did it; you found the peg that fit. The relationship takes a 180° turn in a matter of seconds! “How did that happen!?” You pondered what just took place, feeling totally perplexed, but relieved over the fact a resolution came forth.

If your like me, you realize later you were viewing the situation through and entirely different grid or set of filters than the other person. For instance, if your a guy, you likely are viewing the situation through your left brain only, where logic and reasoning is processed, as most of us men tend to do. And, if the other person is a woman, she likely desired an emotional heart connection with you. She wanted you to identify and attempt to view the situation through her lense and an emotional grid. Once you were able to do this her heart was reopened to you and to your relationship.

Men and women often view situations from two differing vantage points. Men view things from facts. Women view them from its impact on their heart and the relationship. Next time you find yourself at an impasse with your spouse, consider these factors.

If you want to learn more about discovering how to select the right peg in your relationships, I recommend “Love & Respect”. Written primarily for married couples, but with application for all men and women who interact in the workplace, this is a profound book with a simple message about the most driving needs men and women have. Learn what they are and how to deal with gender conflict quickly and successfully.

451876: Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs
By Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

In this groundbreaking book, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs introduces the revolutionary message of biblical respect from Ephesians 5:33 that has revived and energized marriages across the country. A Focus on the Family recommendation. Hardcover.

Another great resource for creating a healthy, happy and productive environment within any team is “The Five Dysfunctions of a Team”.